Part of the Christmas magic is the non-stop jingles that flood your ears every December. While most of the songs leave you feeling warm and cheerful, we can’t ignore that one song that prompts an automatic skip and groans from the audience. Do you need a song that sends away that lingering house guest who has overstayed their welcome? Don’t want to give that one person a ride home? This is a certified technique (no guarantees) to send people running for the hills during the holiday season.
The classic carol, “Little Drummer Boy,” tells the story of a young boy traveling to see baby Jesus and playing the drum for him. In 1977, David Bowie and Bing Crosby re-popularized the song in a duet that blended “Little Drummer Boy” and “Peace on Earth.” Then in the early 2000s, Jessica Simpson released a rendition that could be considered one of the worst Christmas carol remakes of all time. The song starts off with a string introduction that makes the whole song feel like the quintessential 2000s quirky pop ballad. While the original carol only included a simple percussion beat, Simpson tosses that aside, including misplaced horns and a dramatized boom after each line. Throughout the song, the lyrics have an odd breathy tone to them and almost every other syllable is painfully drawn out. There are so many other versions of this song, so why burden yourself with this one?
Speaking of the 2000s, Taylor Swift also released a Christmas album following her debut, which included a cover of “Santa Baby.” While the song doesn’t have as many painful moments as “Little Drummer Boy,” Swift takes a country spin on the beloved tune, a choice that matches her earlier style but doesn’t do the song justice. Eartha Kitt’s version had a silky, sophisticated tone and a cheeky delivery that made the listener feel like they were in a jazz club. In comparison, Swift’s take feels like the version that Cracker Barrel would feature at the holidays. Overall, it feels childish and young, and takes away from the original charm.
This list wouldn’t be complete without “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer,” performed by Elmo & Patsy. Nothing says holiday cheer like grandma being the victim of a hit and run on Christmas Eve and her husband coping with the loss by watching television. Along with the questionable lyrics, the whole song sounds like family karaoke night, chaotic and unpleasant to the ears.
What if this year you decided to ask for a 6,000 pound animal native to Africa? Well, you wouldn’t be the first. Gayla Peevey’s song, “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas,” which debuted in 1953 discusses the exact same issue. While once one of my childhood favorites, it has become increasingly annoying over the years because of the repetitive high pitched nasal tone. It also typically gives you an earworm, so beware going out in public after listening to this song repeatedly. The craziest part of this song is that the young singer actually received a hippopotamus from the Oklahoma City Zoo that Christmas. Contrary to what the song says about hippopotamuses being vegetarian, it probably would have attacked her at some point if she hadn’t donated it back to the zoo. Why even ask for a hippo if you end up donating it?
Finally, to end the list, we have “Do They Know It’s Christmas,” by the Band Aids. While a well-intentioned song to raise money for a famine in Ethiopia, the song has been criticized for its stereotypes and ignorant portrayals. Controversy aside, the song has terrible lyrics painting Africa as bleak and bitter without Christmas. Overall, the song is cheesy and misses out on the Christmas magic that makes so many other popular holiday songs classics.
Now that you have been well informed about what to avoid, you can enjoy the Christmas season by already knowing what songs to remove on your playlist or skip in the car.
