In media and television, parents are rarely depicted as “cool,” but this shouldn’t influence our view of them. Two years ago, I asked my friend about her parent’s jobs in small talk. I was expecting the answer that fit most adults in Arlington: a lawyer or government worker. Instead, she told me that her mom was in a band. Parents in a band? It had the same feeling of when you see your teacher at the grocery store and you realize that they have a life outside of school. However, parents, just like teachers, are much more than the label that we give them. Many times you don’t realize how “cool” they actually are.
Recently I learned about a long standing phenomenon in Arlington. Unlike the viral USC ice bucket trend, it’s something most people don’t know about. There has been a rise in middle aged bands. While the performers may be parents, they certainly don’t lack the passion or creativity that you would expect in younger people.
Sasha Benning, lead singer and leader of the band Collective, never intended for her band to become her career. While she balanced her creative passion of singing with her stay at home mom role, it turned into something much larger. Last year, they were voted best local band in the Arlington Magazine, a title they had previously achieved in 2022. The key to success? Connecting with a large network of musicians and continued support and love to the community.
“I would just boldly reach out to musicians and a lot of people responded. Before I knew it, two years in, I started going out to shows and people were like ‘you’re Sasha!’” Benning said.
Since then, she’s grown her community of musicians and built up relationships with people that hold the same passion as she does. This network has been and continues to be one of the most rewarding things in the job.
“When you reach a certain age you have a family, and your friends become only the parents of the kids your kids are friends with. But now I have people that I choose to hang out with and they are my people,” Benning said.
Alison Broadbent, singer for the band Hijynx, also agreed that the communal aspect of working together as musicians with a shared passion is truly unique.
“It’s really fun to work on things with other people, the collaborative part of it and kind of making it your own and creating something in a cover band.” Broadbent said, reflecting on the best parts of the band.
Broadbent never thought she could do something with her passion for music that started during choir and musicals in high school. Instead, she pursued a biology major and became a physician’s assistant. However, after singing at an open mic night in Arlington, Broadbent joined a band and hasn’t looked back since.
As the bands grew, so did the confidence levels of the singers.
“I didn’t always love performing. I always liked the idea of performing but I was always terrified and anxious before gigs. Now I feel very comfortable in front of people.” Broadbent said.
For Benning, the true delight is the connection between the crowd and singer. Sometimes the most unexpected things happen when people get on the dance floor.
“The amount of people who come up to me after a show and say ‘I never dance, I’m very quiet, but you got me to dance’ that almost makes me cry because to me that’s a human connection.” Benning said.
Robert Sandoli, drummer for the band Too Much Feedback, gets to experience the connection a little differently.
“Sitting behind the drum set, my joy comes from watching everyone else have a good time and the interaction of the people on the dance floor with our singers.” Sandoli said.
Sandoli had always been into drumming. The start of his long journey began in elementary school when forced to pick an instrument. Since then he’s played in numerous bands, including his first band High Tide and his most recent endeavor, Too Much Feedback, which started out as three dads. The band quickly expanded to include a younger generation with a singer and bassist. This younger group plays a key role in promoting the band through social media, a vital tool for building the network.
One of the greatest things about music is the fact that it connects people across all generations. Whether it be through shows or simply playing together, age doesn’t really matter.
“Music has given me a broader life perspective because I am friends with 22 year olds and I am friends with 65 year olds. I just feel more aware of the world as a musician.” Benning said.
The bands have been a huge part of these musicians’ lives in creativity and connection, but there is no doubt that it comes with hardship. As with anything, it is full of daily setbacks and challenges. Amidst a busy life it’s hard to coordinate band gigs and practices along with family time and the job. Sandoli finds it especially difficult as a competing time slot with sports.
The music industry can also be filled with problems related to gender inequality in a mostly male space. This was a surprise for Benning, especially as a female band leader, but has learned how to deal with it in the most professional manner.
“The music industry by nature is still largely male dominated, so I didn’t realize I was going to thrust myself into that, but it’s made me even a little more proud of myself,” Benning said.
Despite all of this, these three musicians continue to grow successful bands, and most importantly, have a good time. Maybe that’s something us Arlington students should take into consideration. Amidst the final exams and getting into college, taking time to enjoy hobbies with friends and discover new passions is something we often forget to do. Looking into the future, being the cool parent in a band may seem unrealistic. But we shouldn’t forgo what we truly love to do.
“I would encourage people who either play an instrument or sing to reserve a place in their life for it going forward, it really is so fun.” Broadbent said.
This doesn’t need to become a Hannah Montana situation or even be a part of a band. But continuing to do what you’re passionate about is something that ultimately will bring you more joy.
