You unwrap a gift to find a pair of socks, a book that will rot on your shelf for the next three years, maybe even a funny coffee mug. We’ve all been there. You fein your enthusiasm and graciously thank whoever gave the gift to you and think of all the things you would rather buy with the money spent on that gift.

Just to be clear, I am not a materialistic Grinch who only cares about what’s under the wrapping paper. I love the idea of giving and receiving surprising, personal gifts. But who really wants to get more socks this holiday season? Why don’t people just ask for money? There must be a way to break this cycle of useless gifts.

Obviously, asking for money may not be well received. Gift givers want to feel like they know you well enough to get you something useful and personal. 

Unless someone explicitly asks you if you want cash for Christmas, I would avoid asking. You don’t want to hurt any feelings and your relationship with your friends and family is worth more than a present. However, if you already have enough socks and don’t feel comfortable asking for money, there is a simple solution.

Make a list. Send out a Google document with a list of some of your interests and link some ideas. For example, if you play soccer, but also need some new clothes, make two categories: soccer and clothes. Link some cleats, put the size and color. Link a new ball, put the size and color. Link some shin guards: you get the point.

This way, family and friends who receive your list have the illusion of choice. You get something you will actually use, and the gift giver gets the satisfaction of seeing your joy as you open your present and thank them for their innate gift-giving ability to get you exactly what you wanted.

This process goes both ways: as a giver and receiver. Being a considerate giver, you don’t want to give someone a gift that will end up rotting in their attic. I would love to just give and receive money but, alas, our society is not on the same page. Therefore, a list is a great compromise.

But, who doesn’t love a surprise? The holidays wouldn’t be the same without gag gifts and some creativity. At the end of the day, gifts are gifts and gratitude is important. No one needs to get you a present, but getting new things is a great way to distract yourself from the dark decay of winter that we paint over with the ‘Holiday Season.’