By: Graham Smith

Sentry Staff Reporter

Somewhere in some dark room, someone says, “Let’s mess with the students some more.” The rest of the APS administrators nod in approval and say “Yeah,” and, “Let’s do it!” Then the idea for the senior parking lot was conceived. It probably did not actually go quite like that, but what they have not taken yet is our imagination.

The senior lot, for those who have been living under something even more isolated than a rock, is the lot with probably around 100 usable spots located near the locked doors at the back of the school. It sounds like a good deal until you see the $50 price tag. That is right, in order to have guaranteed parking at school you must pay $50. To put that amount in perspective, you could instead buy four copies of Miley Cyrus’ new album “Bangerz” and still have some left over change for a few shrek ice creams from the ice cream truck, to share with your buddies. If you choose to spend your money elsewhere like this, you will either wake up at such an ungodly time that your doctor-recommended eight hours has turned into a daily power nap, or park over in the next county. Obviously those are exaggerations, but most people do find themselves driving to school 15 minutes early or parking on the far side of Greenbrier.

In the winter, while you are trudging through the snow to make it on time to your morning class, you will notice several teachers hopping out of their cars in the student side of the pool lot. Then if you turned 180 degrees to the teacher lot, you would miss your entire first period class before you finished counting all the empty spots that are restricted specifically for teachers. But, do not worry, it will likely soon be covered by trailers, as is the trend in the county. Why build enough classrooms when we could spend taxpayer dollars on essentially useless medians and repainting the lines of the senior lot? By making the gym 20 feet narrower, shaving off a foot from each side of the new staircases, and increasing cafeteria revenue 3% by banning the ice cream truck drivers from campus, we probably accumulated enough money to erase the senior lot lines and paint them back in the same spot, something that was actually done. “But, boy, are those lines bright,” an APS administrator might argue.

Being optimistic, if you are one of the lucky ones to win a spot and have $50 to drop, the senior lot is not too bad. Wake up late, weave through the dejected looking walkers, and park just a short 30 seconds from the doors. That deal sounds so good that some people go for it and just skip the whole $50 part. To keep the lack of fairness consistent, these freeloaders are not actually punished but are sometimes “Exposed” on the dailies. To understand some of these aspects of the parking lot, one must throw out logic. While the pool lot allows for one-way traffic, that feature was neglected in the senior lot, for reasons that can only be speculated. Life is not fair, why should the senior lot be fair? Perhaps that traffic jam on the way out of the lot at the end of the day is actually a life lesson in disguise. Either you learn to take turns exiting the chaotic mess, or master the death stare, the path most people have chosen.

Cartoon Courtesy of Joanna Easby